Kathrin Stauffer video: Recognising the ‘Ignored Child’ in the Adult Client

We may all have clients for whom everything just feels too big, too heavy, too much – clients who don’t know why life has always been such a struggle, and who may feel intense shame about their perceived inability to cope with the everyday business of living.

Perhaps these individuals “don’t know what’s gone wrong” with their lives. Maybe they lack a narrative for what has happened to them. They may also have great difficulty believing in their capacity for self-efficacy, their ability to change.    

And perhaps, as therapists, we have started to feel ineffectual, or lost, or helpless in the work ourselves.

According to Dr Kathrin Stauffer, these are all signs that our client may have been what she calls ‘an ignored child’.

In the free video above, the leading body psychotherapist and author explains just how profound an impact lack of early attunement from caregivers can have. When the emotional neglect is consistent, goes un-repaired, the risk of significant developmental deficits increases.

What can make this work feel particularly tricky – and the client’s predicament feel so cruel – is that adults who were ignored as children often feel panicked and shamed when they experience the very attention they longed for as a child. Therapy itself can easily feel ‘too much’.

So, where do we start? In this one-hour interview, we ask Kathrin just that.

We learn what signs to look out for, from personal histories to self-regulatory patterns, and our own countertransference.

We find out about common pitfalls when working with this client group, and the best ways Kathrin has found to establish safe connection and avoid overwhelm.

And we learn how we can resource individuals and combat their powerful internal persecutors by martialing their imaginations. 

In this essential discussion, Kathrin also covers compulsive caregiving, ‘blaming the parents’, being directive versus following the process, and her use of everything from mind maps to cushion throwing.

When therapy works, she says, “It feels like somebody growing up”.

Watch this free video to learn how you can recognise the ‘ignored child’ in your adult client – and scale down the challenge of therapy for them until it feels ‘just right’.