‘Ugly’ Psychotherapists: How to Flourish Amid Misery
Professor Brett Kahr was shocked when an acquaintance remarked on the ‘ugliness’ of psychotherapists. But it got him thinking. Burdened with misery and immersed in trauma, are we therapists too often weighed down by our work, and preoccupied only with enduring? Published today, Kahr’s new book, How to Flourish As a Psychotherapist, is an attempt to shift this bar. As he argues in this blog, we become better therapists for our clients when we learn, not just how to survive in our profession, but how to thrive.
Years ago, a distinguished dramatist came to see me, not for treatment but, rather, for a research consultation. This gentleman hoped to write a new play about psychotherapists, and he wished to learn more about our world. I spoke to him at length, answering his many questions, and at the end of our meeting he begged me to introduce him to some fellow practitioners, so that he could “soak up the atmosphere”. As it happened, I had to deliver a lecture that very evening in front of a group of 100 colleagues, and I invited him to attend as my guest.
Several hours later, I presented my talk – a celebration of the 10th anniversary of the United Kingdom Council for Psychotherapy – and, after the applause, the playwright thanked me for having afforded him an opportunity to spend the evening with dozens of clinical psychotherapists. Although he congratulated me on my lecture, he underscored that he had devoted most of the time to studying the audience, confessing, “I hope you won’t be offended, but, if truth be told, I’ve never seen such an ugly group of people in my life. Your colleagues look so miserable.”
Needless to say, this observation shocked me. Although most psychotherapists have never worked as fashion models or films stars, I do not regard the members of my profession as particularly ugly. But, in the weeks that followed, I began to acquire a better understanding of the playwright’s uncharitable diagnosis. Many of my colleagues do often look very burdened, with grey eyes and lined faces. No doubt I, too, wear such expressions, especially after having spent an entire day listening to so many tragic tales of suffering.
In view of the fact that our professional work may sometimes be ugly, full of tales of sexual abuse, bereavement, and madness, how do we survive the weightiness of this work? In 1993, a noted psychoanalyst, Dr. Nina Coltart, published a book entitled How to Survive as a Psychotherapist. At the time, I found this short text very helpful. But as the decades unfolded, I became increasingly keen to find ways not only to survive this often-ugly profession but, moreover, to flourish. So, I sat down and wrote some 60,000 words about the ways in which I, and some of my more creative and energised colleagues, have endeavoured to blossom.
One cannot flourish as a psychotherapist simply by treating oneself to a long lunch-break or to a walk in Regent’s Park, however delightful such experiences may be. On the contrary, one can only flourish by having the internal resiliency to master this extremely challenging field of endeavour, and by enjoying the external support and encouragement of a large community of gracious mentors, comrades, and students. They can help us to develop not only our clinical practice but, also, our role within the profession as lecturers, as writers, as researchers, as politicians, as innovators, and as role models. In my experience, far too many psychotherapists approach this work from a passive state of mind rather than from an active one, often keen to avoid collegial envy.
In my new book, How to Flourish as a Psychotherapist, I offer a detailed developmental model, explaining how people in our field can achieve the maximum rather than the minimum across the life cycle. Thus, I describe how to flourish as a trainee, as a newly-qualified practitioner, as a seasoned clinician and, ultimately, how to retire and how to die feeling fulfilled rather than disappointed, confident that one will have achieved a meaningful legacy.
Although psychotherapists often swim in the ugliness of trauma, we need not become trapped in such ugliness. On the contrary, if we enhance our own more attractive, creative capacities, we become far greater sources of trust and inspiration to our patients or clients. I hope that this new book might provide us all with an opportunity to review our own state of enrichment (or lack thereof), and to consider how we can encourage one another to raise the bar.
How to Flourish as a Psychotherapist, by Professor Brett Kahr, is published today by Phoenix Publishing House.